There are not many people who say that they regret having a big wedding, or that thinking about the process of planning their big day enrages them but these are some of the intense feelings that I feel when I reflect on the year long planning process I went through to plan a wedding that still was not good enough for certain family members. There were many times during the planning process that I felt like canceling everything and just having a private ceremony for immediate family. It has been almost 3 years since my wedding and I can now see where it all went wrong. If I could go back, these are the things I would change or do differently:
- Better Research. I married someone of a different religion. Naturally we had two weddings (one following my religious rituals and the other and much larger one following his religious rituals). While I had a rough idea and had friends the same religion as my now husband, there were just some things that seemed to slip through the cracks or were not explained to me so naturally there were a lot of last minute things that needed to get done and the week before my wedding when I should have been relaxing and getting ready for my big day, we were rushing to get everything sorted out.
- Believing his family would help. Once we set a date, my in laws were constantly assuring me that they would do whatever they could to help us plan and yet when the time came for them to help, nothing really happened. I have to point out that my brother-in-law and his wife were probably the only helpful people, they sent us all the information from the time they were planning their wedding a few years before and a lot of that information helped us out. They also gave up an entire weekend a month before our wedding to drive me all over the area to get some of the last minute things.
- Choosing a big venue. I always wanted a small, intimate wedding. This was not what was in line with what ‘the people’ were expecting. I never grew up in a household where I heard those words but once I met my husbands family, these were the words that often came up whenever anyone did anything that did not align with what the family wanted. What will the people say? These are the words that I allowed to ruin a huge part of my wedding day. I should have stood up for what I wanted. I didn’t want to have people at my wedding who I would probably never see again.
- Showing my family my wedding outfit. I wore blue for my wedding. A wedding in a religion where the bride is most likely to wear red. I made the mistake of showing both families my outfit on the day and it was definitely something that became an issue. This was evident in the amount of times I was reminded that Hindu brides wear red.
- Giving in to others demands of my wedding day. Looking back, my wedding day should have been a good day for me, a stress free day where I get to marry my best friend, the person I would be spending the rest of my life with. I can say that planning my wedding for other people instead of myself made the entire process of planning my wedding day the worst experience of my life.
I truly hope that there are other people out there who never have to go through this with their wedding. If I could go back, I probably would never have spent half of what we spent on our wedding and used the rest of the money to go on the most amazing honeymoon.
What was your experience while planning your wedding?
-The Uninspired Blogger