For the better part of my adult life, I have been chubby, and sometimes overweight. I have always been going on a diet, or trying to work out on a regular basis, and my New Year’s resolutions have always been to get back into shape. Round is a shape though, isn’t it?
So why is this time so significant for me? I am turning 30 this month. This will be the 8th time this year alone that I have tried to lose weight but now I have a valid reason why I want to get healthier. The reason? Me. I am my reason why. I am sure that in the past, there might have been some valid reasons for me to lose weight. My wedding being one of them. So why didn’t I lose weight for my wedding? Even though I really wanted to, there were so many people telling me that I should lose weight, it was a hotly discussed topic both in my presence and behind my back. The fact that this was even a discussion annoyed me to the point where I decided I would not lose weight just to please others. The result of that? I became even more self-conscious, and ended up gaining another 10 kgs since my wedding. Every time I have made the decision to lose weight and get healthy, I either end up self-sabotaging or I end up reverting back to my old habits of eating junk all day and not being active.
I look back at all the money I wasted on products like Herbalife, and one called Slimz that damaged the lining of my stomach causing ulcers which have thankfully seemed to heal over the last few years. I have eaten copious amounts of omelettes and now I can once again no longer stand the sight or smell of anything that remotely resembles an omelette. I can no longer indulge in mint choc chip ice cream (which was my favourite for many years) all because of Herbalife. I gag when I smell it. That’s probably why I have a tub that I cannot finish that has been in my freezer for over a year. On second thought, I should probably throw it out.
I have tried cutting out carbs, cutting out all sugar (which included fruits: please explain how a diet without fruits is even healthy for you?) and while they all worked for a while, my body craved the juicy flesh of fruits, and a slice of pizza with some cheesy garlic bread on the side.
Growing up, fruits were not a staple of my diet. My parents struggled financially, and things only got worse when my parents made the decision to divorce. Over and above the financial issues, I grew up in an environment where diet culture was always discussed. I remember a time when I was still in high school, I was visiting my aunt with my mom and I was a bit chubbier than usual. My cousin then walked in, looked at me and told me that I should try to lose weight. The fact that this has stayed with me for so long is scary, not because of what was said to me, but because of how it has affected me. Let me be clear, having been through so much with my weight and still have people comment on how I look has caused depression, and I am constantly self conscious of how I look in anything. It is debilitating and unfair. It has caused me to give up many opportunities to attend concerts and to live.
Whether we choose to believe it or not, our upbringing had a considerable amount of impact on our adult lives. A simple comment about some extra weight that a child might be carrying around can cause an unhealthy obsession with weight loss. It is a recurring theme and yet society has not stopped doing this. I am also now at the stage where I am able to accept that I played a part in my own destruction. I cannot play the blame game forever when it comes to my health. I am the one who constantly chooses to self sabotage whenever something is said, I am the one who chooses to rather feel self conscious and wallow in self pity and allow these people who should have no opinion about my body to make me sad and self-loathing. I have the power to change the things that I am unhappy about, and one of them is not fitting into clothes I spent money on, not being able to walk into a shop, see something I like and not worry about whether they will have it in my size.
With that said, I am not losing weight to make anybody happy. I am working on my body because working out and eating healthy makes me feel good. Not many people will admit this, but I love broccoli. Eating broccoli makes me feel like I am a bad b***h. I want to feel like that all the time. That is why this time is different. I have not only found a strong reason why I want to do this, but I have found a way for me to accomplish my goal. This time, I am determined to reach my goal.
Looking back now, I can see how all of those failed tries helped me overcome all of the challenges that I would face this time around. It took me a long time to get to a place where I am consciously making better eating choices.
In these last few days, I have never felt this good, I am working out everyday, more active overall, and I am eating amazingly healthy food and loving how I feel in the morning. I know that I won’t have the body I am working for won’t happen overnight, but slow and steady wins the race. Are you on a weight-loss journey or a journey to better health? Let me know down below. Share any tips and tricks that you have to make things easier.
-The Uninspired Blogger