This past weekend (6 – 8 September 2019) saw the Italian Grand Prix in Monza. It is always an exciting time here in Italy, but it was especially exciting for me. It was my first time attending the event (I only attended the main race on Sunday) and it was a huge day for me in so many other aspects.
I was hesitant to attend the race. I woke up on race day and dreaded what the day would bring. It would be a day out, full of travelling and being around too many people my newly introverted self was definitely not looking forward to. Unlike other events I had previously backed out of, we had spent a considerable amount of money on these tickets and for me to back out now would definitely not be fair to anyone and it was also too late to sell the tickets.
I got up, dressed, put on a full face of makeup and we left the house for our journey to the Eni Circuit for the day. While the journey there was strenuous and long, the reward for the journey there was definitely worth all the effort and the lessons I learnt.
When I got there, I was physically uncomfortable and genuinely glad that it was not very hot so I could have a hoodie on for most of the day. But I realised that no one there was even mildly interested in what anyone else looked like, we were all there to support Ferrari, to share in the joy of winning, or the unhappiness of losing to Lewis Hamilton (who I never knew was hated here). It was an eye-opening experience just in the first few minutes.
Another thing I noticed while I was there was the amount of disabled people, there were people there who did not let a disability stop them from living life but on the other hand, here I was holding back on living because I am chubbier than everyone around me. Believe it or not, there were many people of all shapes and sizes there as well, all happily enjoying the day at the races with friends and family. Before the start of the race, there are planes that fly over the circuit, the sound and the feeling of that event moved me to tears. Being there was so surreal, and something I never thought that I would get to experience. I was here because I was determined that this year we would attend the Italian F1.
I sat there during the race wondering how many things I had said no to, things that would have brought me so much joy and happiness and goosebumps. I realised that I missed so many experiences that would have given me goosebumps, or made me shed tears of joy and why? All because I looked different. There are plenty of plus-sized people out there living their best lives, so why am I scared to be seen? I was supposed to attend a concert in March. I purchased the tickets the day they were released and when the day arrived to go to the concert, I backed out because I was feeling too self-conscious. Instead, I watched the highlights on Instagram which made me instantly regret not going to the concert.
Going to the Formula 1 this past weekend was definitely an eye-opening experience, sights and sounds bombarded my senses, I was filled with emotion, I sat there grateful that I had said yes to doing something that I had been looking forward to but was dreading because I had not lost enough weight and couldn’t fit into the pair of pants I had originally planned to wear.
I woke up on Monday morning (or rather struggled to open my eyes) with sore muscles from all the walking on Sunday, but with the amazing news and day I had, life seemed a little bit sweeter, and the sun seems to be shining a little brighter now than it did before.
The lesson here: say yes more often, and you will be surprised at what happens when you do!
-The Uninspired Blogger